u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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