i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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