I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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