Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
