Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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