i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
