so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
