Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
