I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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