Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
