I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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