I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
