I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
