He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
