I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Don't make out with my wife yet
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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