I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
