Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Boobs are out for the taking
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
