Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
