You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
