kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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