Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
