I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
