Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
