Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
