I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
