then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
