I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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