And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
either way he was missing a nipple.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
