Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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