are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
