apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
