So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
