tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
