The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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