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she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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