you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
