I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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