she looked like the before picture.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
