Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
