FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
