She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
do herpes really smell.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize