piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
