If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
