youre lurking in front of me
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize