Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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