That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
