hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
