So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I've blown a few things in my day
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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