Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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