I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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