I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
