my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
