I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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