It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
