I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
