Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
