I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
