he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize