so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
