Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
