I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
