why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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