ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We are two peas in an std pod
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
