turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize