broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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