Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
