I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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