He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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