listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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