I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
