my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize