tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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