The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How drunk are you?
Completed.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
