my phone needs a breathalizer
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
