You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
