On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
