True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
