so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize