oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
