well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
