On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just took my morning after pill in the library
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
