We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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