in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Rumble strips road head = magical
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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