is your mom at the bar?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
