and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Everything about him screamed your future.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
