Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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