my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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