Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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