I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
