I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
