I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
