I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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