I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
