Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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