I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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