Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
