I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
