Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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