You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
